he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
