Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
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