I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
