When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
