somebody snuck up and got me drunk
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
