need another drink. this is the easiest way
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
