4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
