she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
