I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Randomize
