Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Enjoy the penises
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
