I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Randomize
