Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Randomize
