You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
