what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
