K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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