We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Randomize
