i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
