Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
