Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
