Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
