nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
