Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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