Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
pop tarts are not kleenex
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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