dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
