Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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