Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
its liver damage thursday
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
