idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
