sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
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