I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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