So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
