wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
