Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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