hotel room ftw
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
