sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
