She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
