whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
