Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
