Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
