Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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