Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
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