I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
