Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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