come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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