Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
