I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
