If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
