on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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