I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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