R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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