I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
