dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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