I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
