I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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