i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
pray to the hookup gods
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
