We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
