I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
